First of all, yes, I’m using ‘Ramadan’ as opposed to the subcontinental ‘Ramzan’, because it’s more widely used.
Soooo. So. Salam! Um. Usually my posts are fiction or on a specific topic, or vaguely personal but not directly. I decided that I’d try the more personal, diary format, so forgive me if I tend to ramble; brevity has never been my forte.
For the past few years, by the time Ramadan rolls around, it’s the middle of the academic year, I’m exhausted, homesick and in desperate need of a break. So for me, Ramadan holds with it the promise of home, family and a fresh start with a change in the routine.
For some reason though, this year didn’t hold the same anticipation. Maybe because I was burnt out earlier than usual, or I was so busy, I had little time to be mentally prepared. Nonetheless I’m hoping that writing will get me back in the zone. Being the only one awake at this time in this household (or even the neighborhood. Hey, it’s a small town), my mind contains a myriad of thoughts, so I thought I’d share a few.
It’s the first day of the month and the first part or Ashra; These are Rehmat ke din or Days of Mercy. The prayer we try to keep in mind is:
Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyumu Birahmateeka Astagheeth
Translation: “O the Living, O the Eternal, I seek help in Your mercy.”
I’m reminding myself more than anyone, and I can’t help but think what a perfect way to begin the month, than to ask for mercy for our discrepancies. I’d like to think of it as a way to somewhat clear the slate. Though while I try to be a good person and a good Muslim throughout the year, I’m acutely aware that I’m less than perfect. Everyone has to start somewhere, I guess, and with these thoughts I’d like to start the month as an attempt to smooth over the cracks.
In asking for mercy from Allah, I hope to ask forgiveness for the bad deeds I may have knowingly or unknowingly committed. Not only those, but for the hurt I’ve caused any other person; be it through something as big as my actions, or as small as the insensitivity of my words.
Okay, folks. I’ve got to get some work done, before I wake the family for sehri/suhoor. :p Peace out.