Loved this. I can so relate.
This one was fun to do. Feedback is much welcome. ^_^
This time, we had to choose a picture snapped by the other, and use it to compose a piece.
Rose petals were all she could see. The bed had been covered with them in a layer so thick, she could sit without crushing too many. Her ghoonghat peaked over her forehead, like a hood, narrowing her vision. Gaze lowered, she tried to focus on the intricate henna design on her hands. Anything was better right now, than her heart’s reckless pounding. Jolted from her thoughts, she heard the door open quietly. He was here.
In what felt like a split second, she thought of all that she knew about this man- her husband, with whom she was to spend the rest of her life. Surprisingly very little. From his footsteps, she could tell he was approaching the bed, and that eventually he sat down on the edge…
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It’s one of those nights where the hollowness wells inside you, and the “why”s start to push against your ribcage in a thudding ache. It squeezes your throat, tight but not quite, clouding your head like a looming threat.
You are exhausted, too tired to even weep. A dry sob forces itself past your lips, but even that is painful. The growing lump in your throat is the only thing that stops you from crying out.
You look around the room desperately. You want to lay facedown on the floor and not move again, yet you want to punch your fist through a wall or window.
Peace, a voice from deep within you says. You freeze on the spot.
Your gaze falls on the folded prayer rug across the room and before you know it, you are standing by it. You finger the tassels, and run your fingertips over the faded, worn design.
Submit, the voice says again. You feel something, pushing at the edges of your hesitation, as you realise the voice is your own.
It seems like barely a moment has passed, or possibly that too many have passed. Your heartbeat threatens to tear your throat as you look down at your feet, picking out the pattern on the rug, in front of them. Difficultly but steadily, you swallow. Your stance is uncertain, whether where you are going, you would be welcome there again.
But when you kneel in prostration, your forehead touching the ground; your heart feels so heavy that you doubt you shall be able to rise again. The tears slip hotly from the sides of your eyes, but the only sound that escapes your mouth is His name.
Giving way to the familiar movements isn’t hard, though self doubt makes you hesitate. With each familiar word being formed effortlessly on your lips, a weight is eased from your consciousness.
You feel small, and smaller still, but it no longer matters. You may be part of something bigger, but right now, this is between you and Him. Through your tears you pour out your troubles and suffering, and as ever He listens. While you rock back and forth, trying to breath normally, He forgives.
After what feels like hours, a stillness is cast through. Your strife gives way to serenity, and though it is a shaky calm, you feel safe. The possibility of unrest, again, is not quite as scary.
“And seek help in patience and al-salaat (the prayer)…” [al-Baqarah 2:45].
“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest” (al – Ra’d 13:28)
I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive.
Iris – The Goo Goo Dolls
This song has few verses, but the impact of the chorus makes up for it. The feeling of frustration and longing, for something that’s missing in life is so clear. I also get there’s a sense of feeling lost, not to mention scared as well. Ah, there’s poetry in the simplest of lyrics.