It’s 2.48 am when I check the time on my phone. At this point, I’m not even studying; I’m just staring at the same line on the same page that’s been open for the past twenty minutes. I’m not even sleepy and oddly enough, I don’t have anything on my mind in particular. I get up from my cross-legged position and feel that relieving ache, as I stretch and feel every part of me set back into it’s rightful place . My roommate’s asleep already and I enjoy the peace. Not that I’ve been talking to her much lately. Or talking much at all, for that matter.
Walking over to the fridge, I gingerly step over the small pile of laundry I dropped yesterday afternoon. I still have no intention of picking up. Crouching in front of the fridge, I open it and begin to examine the containers one by one. I come across an egg sandwich. It’s a day or so old. I give it a good sniff, but my hunger overrides my suspicion. Munching it jadedly, I pour myself a glass of orange juice.
Exam season feels endless. The days merge into one another, each seeming longer than the one before it. I’m pushing on with my studies. I’m doing my best, God knows I am. But I can’t seem to attain the same satisfaction I once had. It’s the only time of the year I really feel stuck. This is it; this is what you signed up for. It’ll be worth it in the end, I’m sure.
Walking out in the corridor, I’m hit by the uncomfortable chill of the changing season. I wander up and down aimlessly. Everyone seems to be asleep, which is unusual. There’s always someone up at any given hour, studying, generally. I think about how the wretched cat didn’t try to sneak into our room today, about how the cleaning ladies were making more noise than usual, having chanced upon some juicy gossip. I speculate whether I sounded as dull on the phone to my mother, as I am in fact feeling these days.
Any thoughts of preceding events, I dismiss. I steer my mind away from any deliberations on the future. Lacklustre though my current mindset may be, I prefer it to the thoughts I’m trying to avoid. They’d be too vexing, too bothersome right now. I’d rather a stagnant frame of mind. It’s the only thing that’ll allow me to focus on what matters right now, after all.
I turn left off the end of the corridor, and wander into the bathroom. This is about all the “living in the present” I’ll be doing for a while. The thought amuses me momentarily, and I find myself smiling. A wry smile, mind you. It fades just as quickly, as I catch sight of myself in the mirror. I shake my head at myself, eyeing the circles around my eyes.
I am all too aware of how dreadfully, indubitably bored I am. I know more than a few people who’d frown upon this. I certainly shouldn’t have the time to be bored, should I? Rolling my eyes at the supposed voices in my mind, I traipse back to my room and lock the door behind me. I can’t help but sigh, as I climb into bed. I know sleep will come quickly, as it has done in recent days. Just as well, I think. I’m ready as I’ll ever be to take on a new day.